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17 September 2008 @ 06:38 am
trying to stay calm and do as I envisioned  
I need to keep the things that are going on compartmentalized, to stay calm, and to write checklists down in the morning. Also, it's good to consider the plusses. (nice weather now and all week, the acorn harvest I am doing that was made easier by all of this, the fact that I am not DIRECTLY affected by the LOCAL emergency because I've been living off the grid for years and for some crazy reason we have had power since early Monday here at work).

It's been almost three days, and only about 1/3 of the power is back on in the damaged areas of Ohio, Indiana and Kentucky.

I'm frightened when I drive through Dayton, because our economy went from severe recession to full-blown depression this summer BEFORE the latest tidal waves hit the rest of the US and the world. The streets are so littered with downed trees and all the already neglected infrastructure is so much more injured now that I can't imagine where the money to clean all this up will come from. I think, like in New Orleans, it never will get cleaned up.

Also, I'm glad I went to New Orleans last fall so I was able to prepare myself for these kinds of images.

Everything that is happening this year is what I knew was coming, and the only unknowns were the timing and the exact mix of events. I dedicated my life since the fall of 2002 to preparing myself for all of this. And, I was partially dedicated to it since the fall of 1996.

So, last night after I cried, because I have been feeling physically ill for awhile too, with headaches and nausea and sore joints, I reminded myself that my plans of many years are still intact and workable, and I have not forgotten the details, so I just need to keep following the script. The solar-charged light from my little window above the city was the only one. The only other light on Grafton Hill was the moon!

I will look forward to going to Columbus over the weekend as originally planned no matter what. I will just take the car because there will be too many road hazards for the motorcycle.

Today, after work, I will go down to the place on the Ohio River where in early August I hid my boat and motor and oars under a camo blanket . I will see if the big logs I covered the blanket with held. If everything blew away, I will accept that and not freak out. If trees crushed the boat or made it impossible to retreive, I'll get through that and I'll stay calm. If the boat got exposed and then stolen, I can handle it.

Then, I will put the boat in the garage in Camden and not worry about it for awhile because I need to take things one at a time. I need to face what I might see in Camden. The reason I have been trying to blot it out is because I had so many bad experiences with the wind there. (Perhaps the bizarre happened, and I'll get there and find nothing, because in the past I've found damage there when no place else had any.)

I will tune out the news, especially business news, to keep my stress level down and stay on an even keel. I don't care about Lehman and Merrill and AIG! They are just the specific names that will be in the history books now that things are collapsing. Other than that they mean nothing to me so why clutter my brain with specifics about them? Also, that way, I don't get angry about stupid things said in the media about energy and commodity inventories and other data that does matter. 

When I do things related to money, I will make no decisions when I am tired, I will write them down to make sure I follow through, and I will stay relaxed no matter what happens because I know I have been doing my best to ascertain the best allocations.